You've heard it for years: women don't ask. Negotiate more. Lean in. So you did. You prepared, you asked for the raise, and you came away with less than you hoped, or a "not this year." It's easy to conclude you did it wrong.
Research suggests the story is more complicated than "women don't ask."
What the study found
Economists Benjamin Artz, Amanda Goodall and Andrew Oswald studied data from about 4,600 randomly selected employees across 800 workplaces in Australia. They described the results in a 2018 Harvard Business Review article and in a peer-reviewed paper in Industrial Relations.
They found that women asked for raises about as often as men. But women were less likely to get the raise when they asked. They also tested a common explanation, that women hold back to protect relationships at work, and found similar shares of men and women said they had avoided asking for that reason.
This is one study, in one country, and other research has found different patterns. But it's a useful corrective: if your ask didn't land, the problem may not be that you didn't ask, or didn't ask "like a man."
Asking is not the only part of the equation. How the ask is received matters too.
Prepare a strong ask
You can't control how a request is received, but you can make it clear and well-supported. This isn't legal or financial advice; it's a way to organize your case:
- Know the market. Look up salary ranges for your role and location from several sources.
- Document your impact. List specific results from the past year: projects delivered, money saved, problems solved, people you developed.
- Name a number. A specific figure, based on your research, is easier to discuss than "a bit more."
- Time it well. Ask ahead of budget decisions or after a clear win, if you can.
- Plan for "not now." Ask what it would take, and when you can revisit it. Get that in writing if possible.
- Consider the whole package. Title, flexibility, training budget or time for a project you care about can also be on the table.
Why it matters beyond the paycheck
Pay affects what's possible: the course, the savings for your own project, the option to work fewer hours someday. Asking for what your work is worth is one way of making room for the life you want.
Where an accountability partner helps
Preparing an ask alone is hard, and hearing "no" alone is harder. An accountability partner can help you gather your evidence, rehearse the conversation, and set a date. Afterward, they can help you decide on the next step, whether that's a follow-up in six months or a broader look at your options.
This week
Start a "results file." Write down five specific things you achieved at work this year, with numbers or outcomes where you can. Then look up the pay range for your role from two different sources.