You've thought about joining something. A community choir. A pottery class. A Saturday writing group at the library. You picture walking in on the first evening, not knowing anyone, standing awkwardly with a name tag, and you decide to look into it next month.
But groups built around doing something together may be one of the easiest ways into a community, even for people who don't love small talk.
What one study found
Researchers Eiluned Pearce, Jacques Launay and Robin Dunbar at the University of Oxford followed adults who had just joined adult education classes, some in singing and others in crafts or creative writing, over seven months. They published the results in 2015 in Royal Society Open Science.
At each point, participants rated how close they felt to their group before and after class. At the first measurement, people in the singing classes showed a significantly bigger jump in closeness during a session than people in the other classes. But the craft and writing groups caught up: by the third month, both kinds of classes felt equally connected.
The researchers called this the ice-breaker effect: singing seemed to help groups of strangers bond quickly. The longer view matters too. Groups that made something together, whatever it was, became close over a few months.
You don't have to be good at small talk. You just have to keep showing up to make something.
Why making something together helps
A shared activity gives everyone something to focus on besides each other. There's always something to talk about: the song, the glaze, the line that isn't working yet. And because these groups meet regularly, familiar faces slowly turn into friends.
Finding your group
- Start with what you're curious about, not what you're already good at. Beginner classes are full of people who are new too.
- Look for a regular rhythm. Weekly or fortnightly groups give relationships time to grow.
- Check local options: libraries, community centers, adult education programs, places of worship, makerspaces, community choirs.
- Commit to a few sessions. The study suggests closeness grows over months, so give it time before deciding it isn't for you.
- Arrive a little early or stay a little late. That's when conversations happen.
Where an accountability partner helps
The first session is often the hardest. An accountability partner can help you pick a group, hold you to signing up, and ask how it went after the first and third visits. They can also remind you, when it still feels awkward in week two, that the research suggests connection builds over time.
This week
Find one group near you that meets regularly to make something together: singing, crafts, writing, cooking or anything else that appeals to you. Sign up for the next session, or email the organizer to ask if you can try one.