There's a woman at your gym who always wears paint on her sneakers. A neighbor whose window is full of plants he clearly grew from cuttings. Someone in the next team over who mentioned, once, that she writes poetry. You've thought about asking each of them about it. You never do, because it feels a little awkward and you're not sure they'd want to talk.
Those small, almost-connections might matter more than you think.
Casual ties count
Psychologists Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn studied what they call weak ties: acquaintances, not close friends or family. In a 2014 paper, they found that on days when students interacted with more classmates than usual, they reported more happiness and a greater sense of belonging. In studies that counted all daily interactions, weak ties were also linked with social and emotional wellbeing, not only close relationships.
For a creative life, this is good news. You don't need a perfect group of best friends who all paint. A handful of friendly faces who know what you make, and whose work you know, can be part of what keeps you going.
People like us more than we think
The reason most of us don't start those conversations is that we expect them to go badly. Research suggests that expectation is often wrong.
In a 2018 study, Erica Boothby, Gus Cooney, Gillian Sandstrom and Margaret Clark found that after people got to know someone new, they consistently underestimated how much the other person liked them and enjoyed the conversation. They called it the liking gap.
In a later study, Sandstrom, Boothby and Cooney asked people to talk to strangers as part of a week-long scavenger hunt. According to their write-up, 87 percent of the conversations happened with the first person they approached, and by the end of the week participants worried less about rejection and felt more confident in their ability to hold a conversation.
The conversation you're avoiding is probably going to go better than you expect.
Turn a familiar face into a creative connection
You don't have to network. Try a smaller, more human move:
- Ask about the thing you've noticed. "Are you a painter? I've seen the paint on your shoes." People usually enjoy talking about what they make.
- Share one true sentence about your own project. "I'm writing a book on the side. It's slow, but I love it."
- Go back to the same places. A class, a café, a library writing hour. Familiar faces turn into acquaintances by repetition.
- Follow up once. Send the article, the gallery event, the open mic. Small gestures keep a weak tie warm.
Where an accountability partner helps
Weak ties give you a wider sense of belonging. An accountability partner is the one closer tie who checks in on your actual progress. The two go well together: your partner can encourage you to start that first conversation, and to tell them how it went. Over time, some of those acquaintances may become your creative community too.
This week
Pick one acquaintance who seems to make something. Ask them one question about it, and tell them one sentence about what you're making. Notice how it actually went compared with how you expected it to go.